Long-ago affair continues to play on a loop

Dear Amy: Twenty years ago, I had an affair that ended my eight-year marriage (after 15 years together).

I am extremely remorseful and even though I have apologized to my ex (and he has forgiven me), I can’t seem to forgive myself.

The phrase “once a cheater always a cheater” just plays on an endless loop in my head.

I hate myself for betraying a man who was nothing but kind toward me.

I honestly feel like if I forgive myself, it’s like saying that what I did was OK.

I also feel like a huge hypocrite when conversations with friends turn to infidelity. My closest friends know what I did, but not everyone, so I feel like if I chime in on that topic about how wrong I think it is (because now I know better!) I am just lying to everyone.

I feel obligated to disclose what a…